1. Your hotel will want to charge you $20 or more a night for parking. But that’s for suckers. Instead, park at the Actors Theatre lot, pay your $8, and leave the car there for as long as you like. You’re welcome.
2. Impellizzeri’s pizza = serviceable. Spinelli’s is far better, has a funkier basement atmosphere, is easier to pronounce, and is open until 5 a.m. (Yes, 5 a.m.) And it offers pizza by the slice. And has free wi-fi. Only question: Should a tattooed late-night hipster pizza staff be this friendly?
3. Don’t share your opinions in the elevator. The playwright could well be standing behind you.
4. Souvenir shopping? Grab one of the few remaining t-shirt play shirts from the 1999 season for only $5 from the bottom shelf of the book kiosk. And with the money you save, pick up a previous-season t-shirt for yourself at the same price.
5. There’s a wide range of quality within the volunteer usher community. We saw a well-meaning woman direct half a dozen theatergoers to the wrong section of the Bingham auditorium, where they wandered around like Dawn of the Dead extras.
7. When taking a shuttle to Sleep, Rock Thy Brain, hold out for the old-fashioned trolley instead of the standard bus.
8. Enjoy the rare opportunity to see playwrights’ headshots in a printed program. You are unlikely to see that anywhere else.
9. React any way you want to the play you are seeing, but you are a lesser human being if you don’t applaud when the ATL apprentice thanks the Humana Foundation during the curtain speech.
10. Wear clean socks to O Guru Guru Guru.